Thursday, January 21, 2010

Gretel Joined Plate Watchers

Wee Gretel is 15 pounds overweight.
The veterinarian says she must go on a diet. Pronto.
She even has a scheduled weigh–in, in one month’s time.
The pressure is on.
She doesn’t look horrifically monstrous.....she does get a lot of exercise and we play ball and catch several times a day on our walks. (Sometimes Gretel comes, sometimes she stays home....I am quite fond of “ball” and could almost be considered an expert)
Gretel is not allowed any more wet food. She is on a low-cal, dry food diet.
This is proving to be quite stressful for everyone, as Gretel is an emotional eater and has very low self-esteem. The cats torment her. They are bullies. It is hard for her to cope. They are constantly eyeing, and obviously making fun of her facial hair. Hateful beasts.
Now, 2 days into her new diet and we are at a stand-still. She does not want her new food. She sits and looks at her plate, rolls her eyes and turns her back on us. She stares at the plate, stares at the food, willing it to disappear. She doesn’t even mind that the cats have had a go at it. No takers. The vet said that eventually, she will be hungry enough to eat the new, ugly food.
This has not happened yet. I DID see some boiled egg on her chin, though. And I did smell the faint aroma of beef stew on her breath. Now I, who am a complete sucker for large, sad doggy eyes, have given in on 1 or 2 occasions, feeding her a tiny bite of this or that.
Clearly she was STARVING!
What I didn’t realize was that SHE was giving Gretel all of HER leftovers too!
At the rate we are going, wee Gretel will be as big as a house at her next weigh-in.
The large, sad, doggy eyes are a complete farce. BRILLIANT!
I am currently studying Gretel’s facial expressions. I have the big, "sad eye" look down perfectly. I am still working on making my eyes tear up, just enough, without letting a teardrop fall. That actually takes some skill.
So far, I have gotten half of HER eclair (after mine was gone), got HER to do the dishes, (TWICE!!) AND a Starbucks latte (even though we were on the other side of town).
If I can just get that teardrop thing perfected, I see a new easel in my future. (And MAYBE a bite of her coveted shortbread cookies...but even THAT would take a true professional!)
P.S. She decided to keep me! Most of the paint came out of Her jeans! I am being kept!
(I know it is because she has no clue how to work the French coffee press, never mind the bean grinder)

1 comment:

Julie said...

I hear you Gretel as I too am built more for comfort rather than speed. Glad to hear you are still blogging after the jeans' incident.