Tuesday, February 26, 2013

When I Die and they Lay Me to Restroom.....

Image: The OUTHOUSE by Cara Kansala * Oil on Canvas
(I am so desperate for a bathroom in my studio, I have taken to painting outhouses. HINT HINT)

We are upstairs in the studio. I have to pee. Again. I will have to clean my brushes, put on my boots, my coat, my hat, my scarf, go outside into the death-cold, walk by the goats, wave to the goats, go into the house, trip over 5 cats and a crate of crates and run to the bathroom. I have to pee so bad I might die. I decide to hold it. Death bladder looms.
ME: When I die, I would like you to serve chocolate chip cookies at the memorial and show funny pictures of the animals and have everyone sing that song I love.
HER: What song?
ME: The one I love. YOU KNOW, the one I love!
HER: "Copacabana" by Barry Manilow?
ME: NO, that one I love about being young! And write out the words for everyone to sing along.
HER: By hand?
ME: No, print them out. But if I wanted them written out by hand, would that be so terrible? My last request? I will have DIED!
HER: I guess not. When I die, I want not a thing. Nothing.
ME: YOU can't die before me. You CAN'T!
How will I get my chocolate chip cookie-photo-showing-crowd-sing-a-long-service?
HER: Well, I guess you'll have nothing, too.
ME: No, No, if you die first the only solution is for me to give YOU my chocolate-chip-cookie-photo-showing-crowd-sing-a-long-service. That way I can enjoy it too!
HER: And would you ENJOY it?
ME: (I let a little time pass so it seems like I am being thoughtful and contemplative).
I wouldn't enjoy it though I WOULD choke down a cookie or two. You know, just to show I cared.
So, would you put a bathroom in the studio?
HER: When?
ME: Well, before you go?
HER: Where? To the BATHROOM?
And she puts on her coat in a flurry of devilment (SHE is already wearing Her boots) and She runs to the door. SHE is beating me to the bathroom......I will never make it. Death bladder looms. I only hope She remembers what song to play.......you know, the one about being young. If I get stuck with Copacabana, just know that I was always Lola. With yellow ribbons in my hair and my dress cut down to there........

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