Sunday, July 8, 2012

Petula Clark Must Have Had a Drawer Full of Lovely White Brassieres When She Wrote the Song "Downtown"

Image: "Mrs. Tetford Walks to the Post Office Every Morning to Get Her Mail Except on Tuesdays When She Washes Her Only Brassiere and Has to Wait for it to Dry" Acrylic on Canvas by Cara

We are supposed to be going to St. John's. Hours ago. It is 75% my fault that we are late but I have several awesome excuses.
We are standing beside the clothes dryer.
HER: WHY are you standing by the dryer?
Me: I am waiting for my Town Bra to dry.
HER: Wear one of your painty ones!!
Me: No, you know I don't want to get caught having to go to the hospital with painty bra armpits! What if we hit a moose or I choke on a pancake?
HER: You don't ever eat pancakes. Just wear your Town Bra damp!
Me: No, I'll get chillblades.
Me: Chillblades.
HER: What are chillblades?
Me: When your shoulder blades get chilled and you get a rash and ulcers and things.
HER: You mean chilblains?
Me: No, I mean chillblades.
HER: Cara, just get ready while you are waiting. Where are your Town Shoes?
Me: That would be a fabulous name for a shoe company. Town Shoes.
HER: It  IS the name of a shoe company.
Me: Oh.
HER: PLEASE get ready. Put on your Town pants and get your bag....PLEASE!
The dryer horn rings to tell me that my Town Bra has finished baking.(Saved by the bell!)
Her: Put it on!Put it on!
Me: The metal clasps are still on fire, I'll burn my back!
(I notice that the little red veins on her temples have popped out - which isn't really a good look for Her.)
HER: I'll let you listen to Barry Manilow and Abba all the way to St. John's.
Me: And back?
And there it is.......................
I am now getting dressed.
Me: Is the Dairy Queen Brazier the same as a brassiere that you wear?
HER: (I can't write what She said next but it had a LOT of punctuation signage and exclamation marks)

I guess it's not the same.

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